Did I Discover Myself?

Interesting concept. Someone that read my story about going to my father's grave pointed out that I was "attempting to discover myself" and then asked if I did, discover myself - that is. (Try to keep the questions a little simpler would you)

I believe I did.... it seems to be a continuing process. I think that you can't really discover yourself all at once. It is probably too much for a human to endure. As a principle, we all know we are imperfect. As a stark reality, the idea that everything we do could use some - a lot of - improvement is something we filter out. That way we can ask for raises, ask that beautiful woman in the video section out for a date, take the bigger of the last two pieces of cake at the family reunion - confident that we deserve that and more.

I was watching a PBS special one night. Can't remember what the overall theme was, but I only need one part for now. They ran a spot about how the chimpanzee is the only being, other than human, that can recognize themselves in a mirror. They put a chimp in a room with a mirror and, to begin with, this chimp thought there was another chimp in the room. Initially, she jumped back from the mirror....then started trying to get the "other" chimp to play. As part of her play she kept moving closer to the mirror, then back away. Her foot was very close to the mirror, which was sitting on the floor. In a moment of discovery she noticed that the foot of the other chimp moved exactly at the same time as her own.

She looked down at the reflection of her own foot and moved it - stopped - and moved it again. You could see the light go on inside her head. Then she moved her hand, looking at the reflection and her own hand at the same time. They should have played Also Sprach Zarathrustra (the opening theme from 2001, A Space Odyssey.) Once the chimp was absolutely convinced that she was looking at herself in the mirror, she began to explore and discover herself. She touched her nose, her ears and her face. She opened her mouth and touched her teeth while pulling back her gums. She never took her eyes off herself for the rest of that part of the show. They may have edited out the bathroom breaks since it was a family show.

Of course, for a chimp it must be terrible recognizing yourself in the mirror. No new hairdo or tummy tuck is going to make much of a difference on that body. Even if the chimp recognizes a flaw, what are they going to do about it? Thus, we get back to the difference between humans and even those animals that can recognize their own features in a mirror. Our ability to react to what we see in the mirror and make changes in our mental or physical selves if we desire.

Once the chimp knew she was looking at her own reflection, she carefully examined her various features....learning them, through sight and touch, before she moved on from her foot to her ear to her nose. Her "discovery" didn't come all at once. What first came to her was an understanding that she was capable of looking at herself. Through that ability she could then more fully examine each of her individual features as she desired.

Did I discover myself ? What I discovered was that I have an ability to see myself, just as I am (when I am willing), and to then closely examine the individual features about me. And, being a human, to then make changes - hopefully improvements - in areas I desire to. Just like the chimp, I find that I must finish looking at my "foot" before I can look at my "nose".

A guitarist that is tuning his guitar will first adjust one string, and then a process of adjusting and tuning each of the other strings begins. Each string must then be tuned to match the new harmonics of the string that was first adjusted. It is not until all the other strings are in harmony that the instrument can produce a balanced sound.