Therapy

When someone starts to see a therapist, there is usually a specific event that triggers the need to go to counseling. Marital problems. Divorce. The loss of a job. Getting caught having an affair....with an animal.

I went to a therapist after the loss of a job. After a couple of sessions he asked if I was thinking about going back to work at the same thing or if I was considering as career change. I told him I was thinking about becoming a stand-up comedian. I was encouraged when he broke out in laughter.

It did seem a bit late in my life to become a standup comic. I have had the requisite mental dysfunction all along but I just didn't have any time to work on my material. Now that I had been in therapy, I figured I could do stand-up. All stand-up comics do bits on their therapy. I could see myself on stage saying:

"Has anyone else been through counseling? Come on. Fess up. Ok - two things just happened. Some of you didn't raise your hand because you don't want your date to know - so you haven't really dealt with your fear of rejection yet. The ones that did raise your hand just let your date know they need to be sleeping with a gun under their pillow."

I know - find another day job.

For whatever reason you start going to a therapist, there is a point at which you do open up to the idea and start to self examine. Once you start going to those hidden places in your mind...you start finding your internal monsters. You think the stuff that's been in your refrigerator for a couple of months is scary. Try going into the deep recesses of your mind to find things that have been there for thirty or forty years. You know...you end up dragging stuff out of your subconscious that would make Freddie Krueger go to confession...."forgive me father for I have sinned. I killed thirty two people last night...and....I....just....can't....find....love."

It is very important to find the right therapist though. I went to one guy and as I was leaving after the first session, he asked if I felt suicidal. When I said "no I don't, why do you ask?" he said "well, after listening to you for an hour - I do."

I went back to the same guy the next week...he said that I was repressing my hostilities and then he told me I needed to find a way to vent my anger and frustrations....so I shot him

So...when you move to a new state you start looking around for a new therapist.

One of the most awkward things about going to therapy is getting to the office, walking into the waiting room and finding someone else there. First off...you are a little self conscious about anyone else knowing you are there to begin with. Then, if you did say anything to them what would it be, "How are you?" They would probably say, "Fine" but it's a therapist's office, how could they be "Fine." Then you start to think, I know what I'm here for. I wonder what's wrong with them. I know I'm ok, but are they ok. What if they are thinking that they are ok and wondering if I'm ok. What if they aren't ok, but don't know they aren't ok and they are thinking that I'm not ok. What if they are so not ok that they think I'm so not ok that I could hurt them. Then, just because they are so not ok that they think I am so un-ok that I may hurt them, they may just do something to hurt me before I can hurt them. But, I am ok enough to understand what they are thinking, so I start thinking about what to do if they do something first. Then I think that if I wait till they do something first, they might catch me off-guard and hurt me. Maybe I should go ahead and break this lamp over their head.