To the tune of Janis Joplin's - Mercedes Benz

Bob Vila....Won't you help me

Fix up This old house

My neighbors....Are angry

I feel just like a louse

I work on it....Every weekend

I've even lost my spouse

Bob Vila....Won't you help me

Fix up This old house

***

Bob Vila....won't you build me

A pressure treated deck

don't try to.... repair it

this one's a total wreck

Last April....It fell through

my momma broke her neck

Bob Vila....Won't you build me

A pressure treated deck

***

Bob Vila....Won't you show me

How to patch up a roof

I followed....your directions

But I think I made a goof

Too late now....I found out

Almost nothin's waterproof

Bob Vila....Won't you show me

How to patch up a roof

***

Bob Vila....Won't you tell me

Why the toilet won't flush

Last night....I had gas pains

I was in quite a rush

The bathroom....can't be used now

I turn red as I blush

Bob Vila....Won't you tell me

Why the toilet won't flush

***

Bob Vila....Won't you show me

How to landscape my lawn

At the yard of...the month club

my name has been withdrawn

I've got a....Snapper Comet

I might as well go pawn

Bob Vila....Won't you show me

How to landscape my lawn

***

Bob Vila....Won't you help me

Fix up This old house

I'll listen....Very closely

Be quiet as a mouse

Just show me....What to do

And then we'll go get soused

Bob Vila....Won't you help me

Fix up This old house